Nanny Net News ====================================================================
A newsletter for
Parents, Nannies and Agency Owners
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May 2006
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This newsletter is distributed by subscription only.
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IN THIS ISSUE
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> A Note from the Editor
> Enter to Win a $50 Gift Certificate to Dragontailbaby.com
> Meet our new expert
> Ask the Experts: Q & A's
> Industry News & Information
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A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:
Happy Spring Everyone,
Well, I do believe things are settling down in my personal life,
finally. I have moved twice in the past 4 months, so you can imagine
how much fun I've been having.
In the midst of my moves, we've been redesigning
NannyClassifieds.com. We have added a ton of new features to the
service and are starting to partner with agencies who want to add the
classifieds to their menu of services. If you own an agency and would
like more information about partnering with NannyClassifieds.com,
email
me at Deborah@4Everythingnanny.com.
I hope you enjoy this month's issue. We have crammed it full of
terrific questions from our readers & answers from our team of
industry
experts. We are covering everything from strange playdates to
immigration issues. There is something for everyone in this month's
issue.
We are running a sweepstakes this month, so don't forget to enter to
win a $50 gift certificate to Dragontailbaby.com. They have some
really
adorable baby outfits.
And finally, I'd like to welcome Justine Walsh and Kim Nicholson,
authors of Nanny Wisdom, to our team of experts on
4EverythingNanny.com.
They will be joining us on the site to offer all of the UK nannies
advice from across the pond. You can read more about our English duo
below.
That's it for now. Hopefully, I will be seeing some of you at
INA's conference in New Orleans on Thursday. Please be sure to say
hello.
Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you moms out there!
See you next month.
Deborah Smith
Editor
Nanny Net News
Deborah@4EverythingNanny.com
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Sweepstakes
Enter to win a $50 Gift Certificate from DragonTailBaby.com. Their
baby
clothes are absolutely adorable and really different. Take a look at
their baby kimonos. Sweepstakes runs until June 16, 2006 and you must
be
18 years or older to enter. Follow the link below and Good Luck.
Meet our New UK Nanny Experts
Justine Walsh grew up in England. Her sixteen-year nanny career has
taken her to France, London, and the US, and her success has led to
several high-profile positions. Today she cares for the children of
Richard Gere and Carey Lowell. Kim Nicholson is an Australian-born
nanny who became a full-fledged British nanny in the U.K. After
working
for several families in Australia and London, she now lives in New
York
and cares for the sons of fashion photographer Pamela Hanson. You can
visit the nannies website at
www.nanny-wisdom.com
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Ask the Experts
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Q:
My nanny has been looking after my daughter for about 4.5 months now.
I
went through a terrible post-partum depression and had lots of family
coming in to help around the time she was hired. I explained the
situation to her at the time and asked for her patience as we worked
through a difficult time. Once things started to improve for me, I
asked how she felt about our working relationship at which point she
said that she felt as though we didn't trust her. This is the
farthest
thing from the truth as we wouldn't have kept a nanny that we didn't
trust. I apologized for anything inadvertent that I may have done and
try to not do those things again. The family has all left and we have
our space back again. I recently found out that she is interviewing
with other people on the sly. I have done everything I can to keep
this
woman happy, including giving her a full-year Christmas bonus even
though she'd only been with us for three weeks at the time. I am at
the
end of my rope and the only thing holding me back from firing her is
that she is great with my baby. Should I confront her or start
looking
for another nanny or both?
A:
Dear New Mom;
I would begin the search immediately for a new nanny. Interviewing
nannies is not the same thing as offering someone a job. You are just
putting a contingency plan in place. You need to have options in the
event that she finds something quickly and gives notice.
When you ask if you should "confront" her and when you say "the only
thing holding me back from firing her...." it feels to me that you are
angry with her. I would deal with that first because if it's coming
across to her that you're angry, at her, angry in general, or if there
is tension in your home, she will leave (likely so will your next
nanny). The fact that she's been interviewing is not a reason to fire
her. She has the right to see "what's out there" as much as the next
person.
Your nanny started working for you at a very difficult time. With
relatives there as well as the PPD. Going through a tough time with
someone you don't know very well is more complex because you don't
have
a "past" together, with good memories, etc. on your side. I recommend
that you ask her to sit down & talk with you (have someone else care
for
the baby so you won't be interrupted). First however, you really need
to
assess your feeling about her. If you are angry, that will come
across.
I think that if this relationship is going to be salvaged, you will
need
to convey sincerely that; A) you like her, B) you trust her, C) you
value the way she does her job, D) you really want to work this out.
If
you can't convey the A - D, then the topic of your meeting should be
how
you will both work toward a smooth transition for her departure. Agree
on a time frame you can both live with. Write her a letter of
reference
and give her a copy of it at this meeting. Explain that you started
off
at a tough time, but because she has worked so well with your child,
you
want to acknowledge to any potential employers that she did a good
job.
Remember it's not her fault that she feels as though you didn't, or
don't trust her. It's very common with new moms - even without the
complication of PPD - to be wary about someone new caring for their
baby
which many times is interpreted as a lack of trust in the nanny (see
"Working with the new Mother" at
www.professionalnanny.com/nanniespro/advice.htm#6
and show it
to your nanny).
Ask your nanny if, after she leaves if she would be interested in
watching the baby now & then for a few hours, or even just dropping in
to visit with the baby. This is a much healthier transition for your
child, than the alternative of her just leaving. (this also gives you
a
chance to go out to dinner, see a movie, or friends). Pre-verbal
children make attachments and feel loss when the person that's been
caring for them is abruptly gone. Therefore if she is leaving, don't
let
your anger at her make it harder for your child.
Hopefully you can turn the situation around. If you can't, look at it
this way; at least with your next nanny, you will be starting off
without a houseful of relatives or PPD so the chances of success are
much better.
Anne
Q:
We are hiring a nanny in the next few weeks for our baby (only child).
In a few months, a neighbor wants to share the nanny- we are fine with
that. What is an appropriate increase in pay for the nanny when a
second
child of a second family is added. The second child is 11 months old
now. I realize that areas vary but in terms of percent increase in
pay,
does 10% or 20% seem like a starting point for discussion?
A:
Percentages work well in business settings, but not so well when it
comes to salary increases for your nanny. The decision on salary
should
be made taking two factors into consideration.
1) What each parent will save by sharing and
2) How much of the money saved can be used to increase the nanny's
salary.
I'll assume that she will be caring for both children full time. I
recommend that if you are paying your nanny (working with just your
family) let's say, $14/hour, when the nanny-share begins, it would be
reasonable to increase her hourly to $18 - 20/hour.
The idea of a nanny-share essentially is for parents to save money.
Some
will argue that the socialization factor was a reason to nanny-share,
however it's a lot easier to arrange playdates. It may seem that
$18-20/hr is steep, but if each family is only paying $9-10/hr -that
still represents a significant savings for each family. For it to
work,
both the nanny and the parents have to feel it is a fair & worthwhile
arrangement.
The big issue for the nanny when its a nanny-share situation is that
she
has two sets of parents instead of one to deal with. At the onset if
a
nanny has never been in a "share" job she likely won't realize the
dynamics of having four bosses. However, if she's making a great
salary, or hourly wage, she'll be more likely to roll with the
dynamics,
once she understands what it's like to deal with two sets of parents.
When a nanny leaves a nanny-share job, there are two families that
will
have to make a transition, so you want to put things in place to
reduce
the chances that you'll have to replace the nanny (like an
above-average
salary) .
Just a couple of other thoughts you may want to consider ahead of
time:
* Both sets of parents should discuss what the daily routine will
be.
* Agree on meal and nap times in advance. * What activities each
family feels is important. * Both should discuss childcare
philosophies and then be able to determine a comfortable middle ground
for both families. Then discuss it with the nanny. * Figure out
what happens if one of the kids is sick. * How does each set of
parents feel about the kids in the car with the nanny? * Will the
nanny always be in one home? * Will the nanny have home hygiene
duties (laundry, etc) there?.
Anne Merchant
Employer/Nanny Expert
Q:
I recently invited my 4 yr. old daughter's classmate as well as
friend over for a playdate. I had left a message with her mom and did
not hear back until 3 days later and not by the mom, but by the nanny.
Her nanny informed me that she was told to talk to me about getting
the
girls together. So her and I set up a date. She told me that the mom
would stay home and that she would be bringing the child over. I
don't
understand why the mom would not. Could someone educate me. Should I
take it personally? I would think the parents would want to be more
involved in the child's life.
A:
I would definitely not take this personally. There are many parents
with
nannies who are either working, too busy, or do not have the
inclination
to go on playdates with their children. I understand where you're
coming
from here and can see why you would want to involve your child's
social
life with your own in this way!
Perhaps the mother works or is very busy and that is why she has a
nanny. Either that or she may not wish to do an activity or playdate
with her child when the nanny is on duty. There are usually two
reasons
for this and whether you agree with them or not is of course up to
you.
Most people with nannies do not give their nannies time off on working
time unless it is their holidays / vacation time and since the mother
would be with the child on the playdate the nanny would not be
working.
That is unless the nanny has other children to care for. The other
reason may of course be that the nanny wishes to be with the child all
the time she is on duty, because she wants to keep some control of her
working day as she is a sole charge nanny.
Many mothers with nannies are so used to their nannies being with
their
child during their working hours it feels only right that their nanny
should be going on playdates with them. I'm sure this will not have
anything to do with the mother not wanting to visit with you in
particular, so remove that thought from your mind and enjoy the
playdate
with the nanny!
Warm wishes
Nanny Trudi
Q:
My wife and I are expecting our first child in April.
What we would like to do is have my niece who lives in the UK come and
be our Nanny. We would like to do this through a nanny agency. What
we would like to know is how we (both us and my niece) go about this.
Is
it possible? and how do we go about it through immigration etc..
A:
If your niece is between the age of 18 and 26, she may be able to
enter
as an au pair on a J-1 exchange visa. Only a handful of au pair
agencies
are authorized to act as a sponsoring agency and I believe most will
allow you to identify the candidate for the au pair spot (as opposed
to
their making the match). You can find very helpful information on the
au
pair program on the
State Department web site
Designated sponsors can also be found on that site at
Good luck.
Gregory Siskind, Attorney at Law
Siskind Susser - Immigration Lawyers
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Q:
How do I go about meeting other nannies in my area?
I am about to start nannying after working in a nursery for 8 years and
am worried about getting lonely. I am really keen to meet other nannies
to socialise with.
A:
You must be very excited to start upon your nannying career. Try not to
worry about getting lonely, there are over 100,000 nannies in the UK and
these women are usually very supportive of other nannies.
Depending on where you will be working in the UK there are usually
plenty of resources to meet other nannies that you can spend time with
during working hours and also socialise with on your own time.
We recommend striking up conversations with other nannies while at the
park, at playgroups, and/or at the school gate. It is quite possible
that you will be able to meet other nannies if you take your charges to
classes. Classes like 'Tumble Tots', music classes, One O'clock clubs in
parks, and swimming classes at local swimming pools are often full of
nannies. Once you meet one nanny you get along with she may invite you
over to her workplace for lunch or tea and then hopefully she will go on
to introduce you to other nannies.
Also, there are many online community forums where you can talk to other
nannies and even find out about local nanny groups that get together on
a regular basis.
Try these websites:
Finally, you should contact local nanny agencies to see if they can put
you in touch with other nannies working in your area.
Best of luck,
Justine Walsh and Kim Nicholson
Authors of "Nanny Wisdom - Our Secrets for Raising Healthy, Happy
Children"
Q:
My one year "evaluation" is coming up with the family I nanny for. This
will be the end of my first year with the parents and their two
children. (2 and 7 years) I'm worried they are not planning on giving me
a raise, because there has been no mention of one and it was my idea to
have an annual evaluation in the first place. They always tell me how
perfect I am for their family and they absolutely want to renew my
contract. What should I do, if at the end of our evaluation, they had no
intention of giving me a raise? And is there website i can check out
that can give an idea of what other nannies get as a raise every year?
A:
Congratulations on completing your first year with your family. The
first year is always full of adjustments so it is great that you made it
through.
You say that they want to renew your contract, which leads me to believe
that you have something in writing with them.
Technically, we call these work agreements and they should lay out your
job expectations, your working hours, your compensation, and also when
you receive raises. This way...you never have to wonder if you are
entitled to a raise, because you have it in writing and it is not your
word against theirs.
If you do not have a detailed work agreement that contains just the
basics, I suggest that you ask for one as you begin your second year.
This is the perfect time to do that.
You can find a good one that you can adapt to meet your needs at
You should get some kind of raise in compensation every year but if you
don't get one this year, then you might have to chalk it up to
experience and know to never work without a work agreement again,
but...if you have been with this family a year, and they are happy with
your work, I see no reason why they would not give you some
compensation.
If however, they don't, you have every right to ask them.
You should have 3 numbers in mind. Your dream raise, what you would like
to have and what you are willing to settle for. You should always ask
for what you really want within reason but you should also be willing to
negotiate and compromise when necessary.
I am including my communication article.
I hope it will be helpful to you in communication with your employers.
Good Luck and please let me know how it works out.
Glenda Propst
Nanny/Employer Expert
Communication Article by Glenda Propst
Good relationships must have a foundation. Communication is the
foundation of a good employer/employee relationship. Communication
begins with the first interview, and is an ongoing process between the
nanny and the parents.
During the interview, expectations of both parties need to be clearly
defined and understood.
Guidelines regarding discipline must be established and agreed upon in
the beginning,
and they need to be refined and adjusted as the need arises.
¨ Consistency is crucial.
¨ Children need to know they can take you at your word.
¨ Children need limits. it is important for the nanny and the parents
to present a united front.
This means that if one of the parents has a problem with the way the
nanny is disciplining,
they will discuss it in private, not in front of the children.
Communication must be implemented into the daily schedule.
Some ways to do this :
¨ Notes
¨ Journals,
¨ Conversation,
¨ Phone calls throughout the day.
¨ Short talks (come 10 minutes early, stay IO minutes late)
¨ Dinner away from the house without the children (this is relaxing,
non-threatening, neutral
territory.
¨ Family meetings
Things to Remember:
¨ As nannies especially when we live in, we have a tendency to take
everything personally.
¨ Try not take everything personally. Sometimes your employer is in a
bad mood because
he/she (or they both) had a bad day, not because of something you did or
did not do.
¨ Sometimes parents don't even realize that what they are doing is
upsetting us.
¨ Don't assume your employer can read your mind.
¨ Say the words.
¨ Learn to stand up for yourself.
¨ When you finally have the opportunity to sit and talk to the
parents about a concern or a
problem, here are some suggestions for making the most of the
opportunity.
¨ Be Prepared
¨ Learn to distinguish between what is important what is not
important.
¨ Take time to prepare an agenda of what you want to talk about.
¨ Under each item make a list of the points you want to make.
¨ If you write it down, you will not forget anything.
¨ The other advantage to writing things down is that it sends a very
clear message to your
employers that his was important to you and you prepared for it.
¨ Try to balance the negative with the positive.
¨ Try to create win/win resolutions.
¨ If you present a problem, offer some solutions.
¨ Do not place blame.
¨ Keep in mind that if you have a concern or a problem it is not
going to go away. You must
learn to deal with it like an adult.( isn't that one of the very
important character traits you
are trying to teach your charges?)
If you have a difficult time learning how to communicate effectively,
take an assertiveness
training class. It will be worth the time and money and it will benefit
you in every area of your
life for years to come
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T-SHIRTS New Sizes and Styles
Take a look at our terrific New Designs <http://cafepress.com/4nanny>
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Order today….
Industry News and Information
Babyzone.com has a very good article this week for both parents and
nannies entitled "What your babysitter wishes you knew."
Click
Here:
The International Nanny Association's 21st Annual Conference, May
18 - 21, 2006 is happening in New Orleans. Agency owners and nannies
can sign up through their website at
http://www.nanny.org.
Nannypalooza! '06: SAVE THE DATE!
When: Saturday, October 7th and Sunday, October 8th
Where: Philadelphia, PA
What: A 2 day conference for the nanny community featuring…
Cost: Registration includes all workshops sessions, Saturday lunch, and
Sunday breakfast buffet. Nannies attend for only $50, businesses for
only $75. Sponsors: Philly Nannies and National Association for Nanny
Accreditation (NANA) Join us for a weekend of lively discussion,
"learn today, use tomorrow" workshops, networking plus a
Saturday night out on the town. Send an email to
conference@NANAccreditation.org <mailto:conference@NANAccreditation.org>
to receive Nannypalooza! updates.
Nanny Support Groups: Send us your press releases on upcoming events for
future newsletters to Deborah@4EverythingNanny.com, subject: newsletter
____________________________________________
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