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---------------------Nanny Net News------------------------
A newsletter for Parents, Nannies and Agency Owners
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Vol. 2, No. 12
January 2002
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Deborah Smith, Editor
Parents With Nannies, Inc.
Deborah@4EverythingNanny.com
This newsletter is distributed by subscription only. If you
wish to unsubscribe, you can find instructions at the end of
this newsletter.
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IN THIS ISSUE
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> A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
> SWEEPSTAKES
> HOW TO RESPOND WHEN YOUR CHILD ASKS ABOUT DEATH
> 9 TIPS FOR NANNY SUCCESS
> IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS
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A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:
Happy New Year all,
Sorry for the delay in this month's newsletter. Our connection
to the internet was down for 4 days last week so that didn't help
matters. I appreciate your patience.
This month we have a very helpful article on answering questions
about death. As you have probably gathered by now, a lot of
the content chosen for this newsletter is a direct result
of what is going on in my life and the people around me. The
article on answering questions about death was discovered out of
necessity after my father and stepfather both passed away within
two weeks of each other this fall. How was I going to answer the
inevitable questions from my four year old without causing permanent
damage to his psyche? (Always my main concern.) Well I found this article
extremely helpful and I hope you will too.
The second article is an excellent list of tips on "Nanny Success"
that every parent should copy and re-read regularly. I think
every nanny/parent relationship would benefit greatly if these
guidelines were put into use.
You will also find some important information regarding
upcoming events at the end of this issue. Please take a look.
Thanks for reading and here's to a safe and peaceful 2002.
God Bless.
Deborah Smith
Editor
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DECEMBER'S SWEEPS
The Winner of the "You Grew in My Heart" Pendant is
Robin Lindstrom of New York. Congratulations Robin!
JANUARY SWEEPS
Since January is half over, we will not hold a sweepstakes
for January. Starting February 1st we will be taking entries
for a free 4EverythingNanny.com sweatshirt. Choose from
one of our three designs. Mark your calendar to get your
entry in in February.
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How to Respond when your Child Asks about Death
Parents cannot shield their children from grief and loss,
but they can help them cope with it. Death is one of the
few certainties of life that we must accept, however, it
is still difficult for parents to explain the grieving
process of death to children. We offer some suggestions
below.
How to Respond When Your Child Talks About Death
Question
"What does it feel like to be dead?"
Typical Answer "Dying is just like being asleep."
Linking death with sleep can cause a child
to develop fears about falling asleep.
Better Answer "People who die do not feel at all. They can
not breathe, talk, think, or feel anything. They are not alive."
"Will I die soon?"
Typical Answer "Don't worry; children don't die."
While this may sound reassuring in the short run,
it's not true; and your child will soon learn otherwise.
Then you will have betrayed his or her trust.
Better Answer "Everyone is born and everyone dies - but you do not
usually die unless you are very very old or there's a terrible
accident."
"How did grandpa die?"
Typical Answer "Grandpa went to the hospital
after he got sick and then died." While this might explain
what really happened, the next time someone else or the child
himself gets sick and has to go to the hospital, he may believe
that he will also die.
Better Answer "Grandpa became very, very sick and
there was not medicine that could help." "His body stopped
working and could not be fixed. He couldn't
breathe or eat anymore."
"Will you or daddy die?"
Typical Answer "Don't worry; Daddy and I will
never die and leave you" While this may sound reassuring
in the short run, it's not true; and your child will soon
learn otherwise. Then you will have betrayed his or her
trust.
Better Answer "People normally don't die until they are very old .
And while everyone does die, Daddy and I will live a long time."
"When will Grandpa come back?" "He's gone far away and we
can not see him."
This avoids confronting the facts of death and also alters
your child's feelings about his grandfather. How could
someone he loves just suddenly go away and abandon him!
"Grandpa can not come back to see us anymore because he
is dead. We will all miss him very much, but when we
think about him he stays alive in our memories."
adapted from "What Should I tell the Kids? A Parent's
Guide to Real Problems in the Real World", by Dr. Ava L. Siegler (1994).
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9 Tips For Nanny Success
by Marla Sanders
1. Putting the work arrangement in writing.
The agency has sent you a sample work agreement
form so that you and your caregiver can both
have a written record of what your obligations
are. By writing down your caregiver's work schedule,
days off, pay, benefits and other details you've
both agreed to, you'll minimize misunderstandings
about the basics of your caregiver's job.
2. Agree on house rules.
Just as you set rules for your children about
acceptable behavior, you owe it to yourself and
your caregiver to be clear about what you will
and won't tolerate in your home. Don't assume the
caregiver knows how you expect her to act around
your house. Tell her. Items families usually clarify
involve telephone use (how do you feel about her
getting or making personal calls during her regular
working hours?), use of your home and your things
either when she's working or off duty (do you mind
if she has friends over and if they congregate in
your family room or living room and listen to your
prized Beatles albums?) and curfew (set one that
makes you comfortable).
3. Plan on a reasonable break-in period.
It takes nine months for a baby to develop in the
womb, yet why do all of us expect a young and
untrained caregiver to be fully oriented and totally
productive in our homes in a week or two? If you have
hired a mother's helper who has just left home for
the first time, she will be adjusting both to her new
job and to her new life in a new place, just as you
are adjusting to having a new person in your home.
Be fair, be patient and be prepared to repeat instructions.
4. Listen to your instincts.
What if you discover during her first week or two
on the job that the nice girl you interviewed and
hired over the phone is someone you don't even like?
Or who makes you feel uncomfortable? Or doesn't
inspire confidence? Take advantage of the agency's
replacement policy to find another caregiver who may
be better suited for your situation. If you have
reservations about your caregiver's ability to do
your job in the early stages of your work arrangement,
the situation is not likely to improve over time.
It's ok to say good-bye, but do be fair to your
caregiver; she will need time to make other arrangements
and shouldn't be expected to leave on a moment's notice
unless glaring misconduct is involved.
5. Make plans for regular communication.
Schedule a regular time when you and the caregiver
can go over your work arrangement and talk about
how the children are growing, changing, needing
different kinds of activities, etc. Use these communication
sessions to offer both praise and suggestions for changes
to your caregiver. Be open to hearing what your caregiver
thinks and wants, too. Don't leave communication to chance;
if you do, more likely than not, it simply won't happen.
6. Be fair to your caregiver.
Be careful about consistently asking your caregiver
to work hours outside the scope of the original
work agreement, even if you do pay her extra or
give her extra time off. If your needs seem to have
changed considerably, renegotiate the entire arrangement
with her. Always pay the caregiver her agreed-upon
wage even if you let her off work early - it's your
choice for her not to work, not hers. Though from time
to time, you may need and ask for an extra set of hands,
avoid adding to her list of job duties unless you
renegotiate your arrangement.
7. Treat your caregiver with respect.
When appropriate, introduce her to your friends
and guests. Ask her what she prefers to be called
(babysitter, nanny, etc.) Don't undermine her
authority in front of your children. If you can't
treat your caregiver with respect, she's not the
right person for you. Start over.
8. Express appreciation often.
Well-deserved recognition and praise go a long way.
Money also talks. Be generous with raises, bonuses
and benefits if your caregiver is doing a good job.
9. Be aware of common problems between families and
caregivers. If you know what to expect, sometimes you
can head off problems before they derail your relationship.
If your encounter problem situations, contact the agency for
help. Sometimes, it takes several tries to find the right
caregiver and the search-and-replacement process can be
both stressful and frustrating. However, when you do find
the perfect caregiver - whether on the first or a
subsequent try - enjoying her and the peace of mind
that comes from knowing that your home and children
are in good hands.
Marla Sanders is the owner of Advance Nannies,
a nanny placement agency, placing live-in Professional
Nannies and American Au Pairs nationwide.
http://www.advancenannies.com
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New Moderator for Au Pair Families
We want to welcome Kimberly Nuttle to our family of
discussion list moderators. We also want to say
thank you to our outgoing moderator, Suz Herm, for a
fantastic job. She really brought the group up
through its infancy and it would not be the active,
thriving group that it is without all her work.
Thanks Suz
A little bit about Kim:
"I'm married to a great guy, and we have 1 son
(Alex) who is 4 (although we are trying to have a
second child). I'm an alumni of Michigan State
University (MSU). I currently work full time for
EDS (Electronic Data Systems) and am contracted to
General Motors Information Systems & Services group. I am an
Information Security & Disaster Recovery Analyst.
I've worked in the Computer Technology field for 5
years (certified in UNIX System Administration & C
programming). Previously, I worked for a non-profit
organization that provided Child Care Resource &
Referral and child care training classes to state
licensed child care providers and parents seeking
licensed child care (we worked with licensed day
care homes, child care centers, on-site/employer
sponsored child care, and school-age before/after
school programs at public elementary schools).
I am an LAR for goAuPAIR (1 year in March).
In my free time, I like to spend as much time
as I can with my husband and my son. I enjoy movies,
reading, downhill skiing, music, theater, gardening,
meeting new people and making new friends,
visiting my parents Alpaca Farm, and I am an
new(but avid) scrapbooker.
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Online Chat with Barbara Blouin,
Author of LIKE A SECOND MOTHER
Like a Second Mother is a book that celebrates nannies
and the important role that they often play in the lives
of the children in their care.
Sunday Night January 20th, at 8 EST
Barbara Blouin will be the special guest in the
Worldwidenannies Chat Room.
If you would like to meet Barbara Blouin ,
talk to her about her book, and have the opportunity
to purchase the book at a reduced rate , just go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WorldwideNannies and
join the club. You have to be a member of the club to
attend the chat but you can join for one night only
so you can take advantage of this great opportunity.
If you have questions, you can email the Worldwide
Nannies Moderator at djeterfann2@aol.com
To read an excerpt from Like a Second Mother go to:
http://www.4nanny.com/books/like_a_second_mother.htm
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ATTENTION NANNIES!!
Did you know that Professional Nannies are currently
categorized by the Department of Labor as
"unskilled domestic?" If you would like to help
change this listing and create a separate category
just for nannies please follow the instructions below.
The Department of Labor is going to be conducting a
survey to try to create this category. In order to do this,
they need the names and addresses of 200 nannies.
From the 200 names they will select at random 140 nannies
that will be asked to complete the survey. If you receive
the survey it is imperative that you participate fully
in order for us to get the result we are working to achieve.
Your information is strictly for research purposes only
and will not be used in any other way but to conduct this survey.
If you would like to participate in the survey, write within
the next two weeks to the coordinator of this effort,
Liz Docherty at ayrshire44@aol.com.
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VOICE YOUR OPINION
The "In Your Opinion" topic for the February issue of
Be The Best Nanny Monthly Guide is manners. We welcome
opinions and advice on this topic from all nannies.
The questions we are asking nannies this month are:
Is it possible to encourage good manners in children
without nagging them?
Have there been conflicts with the nannies, parents
and/or children regarding manners?
Share your best tips on teaching children good manners --
what has worked for you?
What definitely hasn't worked? Advice for others
about what NOT to do.
Your name:
Support group/organization:
Would you like us to include your name or to remain anonymous?
Would you like a complimentary issue?
Please include your name and mailing address.
(always confidential)
Simply e-mail answers to bethebestnanny@aol.com
subject description "manners".
Thanks,
Stephanie Felzenberg, Executive Editor
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T-SHIRTS FOR THE NANNY AND KIDS IN YOUR LIFE!
Great gift ideas! We now ship our shirts outside the
US. Email me for details: Deborah@4EverythingNanny.com
http://www.4everythingnanny.com/products.htm
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Brighter Vision invites you to try out the LEARNING ADVENTURES
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http://www.learningadventures.com/4nanny-DXT4
NANNYPAY 2001
NannyPay® is a sophisticated, yet easy to use Windows®
95/98/NT payroll program for household employers. Using
NannyPay, household employers can calculate all federal
and state withholding taxes for their nanny and other
domestic employees, and print paystubs and liability reports.
Download a FREE 30 Day Demo here:
http://www.4everythingnanny.com/np01.exe
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I hope you have enjoyed this month's issue of Nanny Net News.
Please feel free to pass this e-zine along to your friends.
However, we ask that you keep it intact and forward it in its
entirety.
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http://www.4EverythingNanny.com
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