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---------------------Nanny Net News------------------------
A newsletter for Parents, Nannies and Agency Owners
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Vol. 3, No. 4
May 2002
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Deborah Smith, Editor
Parents With Nannies, Inc.
Deborah@4EverythingNanny.com
This newsletter is distributed by subscription only. If you
wish to unsubscribe, you can find instructions at the end of
this newsletter.
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IN THIS ISSUE
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> A Note from the Editor
> Living With a Nanny
> Welcome to our New Expert
> Ask the Experts Q & A
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A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:
Hi Everyone,
Just a quick note from me this month. We have a really
great article on living with your nanny by Michelle Ehrich
author of Anxious Parents' Guide to Quality Childcare. I
think both nannies and parents will enjoy this one.
We are welcoming a new expert, Brenda Nixon, to our team.
Brenda is the author of Parenting Power in the Early Years.
You can read more about Brenda below.
Also, there was an excellent article in the Augusta Chronicle
on the Benefits of Paying Nanny Taxes that everyone should read.
You can get there with this link:
http://www.augustachronicle.com/stories/040202/bus_taxtip.shtml
Well, that's it for me this month. My little boy turns one
on Sunday so lots going on this week. Take care and have a great
May.
Sincerely,
Deborah Smith
Editor
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LIVING WITH A NANNY
by Michelle Ehrich
Q: My wife and I are thinking about hiring a live-in nanny,
primarily because we both work long and unpredictable hours.
However, we are concerned about the possible loss of privacy
as well as having a "stranger" sharing our home. This is our
first child and we want the caregiver to be happy and stay
with us for a few years. Do you have any suggestions on how
to handle these things?
A: I commend you for thinking about these issues BEFORE you
have a nanny move into your home! Having another adult in
the home can be stressful… But given what you've written about
your working hours, it sounds like a live-in nanny is a good
choice for your situation. Here are some ways to help keep
things harmonious.
A CONTRACT?
I know, I know…a contract sounds so official… and legal… and
overbearing. But, believe me, it is the best way to ensure
that both you and the nanny to get all issues out on the table
BEFORE they become problems. In fact, the International Nanny
Association (INA) advocates the use of a contract for any
in-home childcare arrangements. Here's what a contract can
accomplish:
Establish a professional tone. A contract communicates your
belief that childcare is important work, a fundamental element
in building mutual respect with the caregiver.
Clarify nanny responsibilities. It is important to document
the nanny's working hours, major job components, ground rules
etc. If you expect her to do grocery shopping or laundry in
addition to childcare, say so now or hold your peace!
Clarify YOUR responsibilities. As the manager, you too have
responsibilities such as paying a salary on time, providing
room and board and offering specified benefits
(i.e. paid vacation etc.). It is hard work being a good
manager and you need to uphold your promises.
Document "house rules". A nanny is not a psychic - you need
to tell her if smoking isn't permitted, the master bedroom
is off-limits, only organic food is allowed in the house etc.
etc. BUT don't dictate so many rules that the nanny feels like
a second-class citizen…especially if you want her to stay!
I think contracts are so important that I devote a several
pages plus full appendix to the topic in my book.
THE "PRIVACY ZONE"
Here is my Golden Rule for families with live-in childcare:
Give the nanny her own space and respect her privacy.
This means:
Providing a private room: With a door! Knock before you enter
and don't snoop around (unless you think she is a drug smuggler!).
Respecting the sanctity of being "off-duty": When the nanny not
working, her time is her own --- even when she is in the house.
For example, if she is done working at 7 p.m., DO NOT ask her
at 8:30 p.m. to watch the baby while you run out the supermarket.
I know it's tempting - but DON'T!
Minding your own business: Many live-in nannies are young women -
and many young women have turbulent private lives. As long as it
does not affect her job performance, keep your nose out of the
nanny's private life! If she expressly asks for your opinion,
choose your words VERY carefully. The nanny is your employee,
not your progeny. You have your own problems to solve without
trying to fix hers!
THE "UN-PRIVACY ZONE"
Live-in childcare presents a delicate situation and you need to
find the right balance. So, here's a contradiction: while you
are respecting the nanny's privacy, also make an effort to
include her in selected parts of your family life, especially
around holidays. For example, if you invited guests for
Thanksgiving, it would be cruel to not invite your nanny to
join. The same goes for birthday parties or other special
meals or events in your home. Of course, the nanny may have
her own plans - so don't be offended if she declines. It's the
thought that counts.
THINK ABOUT IT
Live-in childcare can be a real blessing to working parents
with long or unpredictable hours. But, it takes lots of very
conscious thought and effort by the family to help the nanny
feel respected and comfortable in the home without having the
parents feel like they are entertaining a guest. Here's my
guiding principle: Imagine living with your boss…then behave
as you would hope he would under the circumstances! Do unto
others - it works every time.
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About the Author:
Child care expert Michelle Ehrich is the author of
The Anxious Parents' Guide to Quality Childcare.
Michelle is a working mother of two boys. She worked
in banking and investment banking for sixteen years,
seven of which as a working parent. During that time,
she was able to find and keep two high-quality and
loving caregivers for her children, first in a family
day-care arrangement and then with a live-in nanny.
You can check out the Anxious Parent's website here
http://www.AnxiousParents.com
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WELCOME TO OUR NEW EXPERT
Brenda Nixon: As a speaker/writer, Brenda Nixon is dedicated
to building stronger families through parent empowerment.
With a Masters degreein Education and twenty years of
parenting experience, she is a recognized specialist in
early childhood parenting. Brenda is a contributing author
to six books and the author of Parenting Power in the Early
Years: Raising your child - birth to age five available at
www.parentpwr.com. She is a frequent media guest and has been
quoted in publications such as Child and Woman's Day magazines.
Brenda makes her home in Ohio (USA) with her husband and two
daughters, Lynsey & Laura, which she often refers to in her
writings.
Brenda may be contacted online at www.parentpwr.com.
Brenda Nixon, author of Parenting Power in the Early Years:
Raising your child- birth to age five available at
http://www.parentpwr.com. Brenda is dedicated to
building stronger families through parent empowerment.
Books, Tapes, Tips, Topics, & More at http://www.parentpwr.com
You can ask Brenda a question by following this link
http://www.4EverythingNanny.com/askexperts.htm
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ASK THE EXPERTS
Q: When my three year old son was born I had to go back to
work two months after birth. He has had nannies ever since.
The one I have now has been with us for about a year.
I have been looking online for an aupair through web sites.
It seems like every one I like doesn't have papers and can't
get out here, I don't know why they register on an aupair web
site if they can't get to the states. Am I missing something?
A: The women you are meeting online are probably not actual
"au pairs." Au Pairs come to this country on special
J-1 Visas for only one year. They must be under 26 years
of age and are required to take a certain number of class
credits while they are in the states. To "host" an Au Pair,
you need to contact an Au Pair agency. It will cost you
in the area of $4000 to $5000. Once your Au Pair is with you,
you will be required to pay her a weekly stipend in the area of
$250. (This may have gone up since the last time I checked.)
The women you called Au Pairs are just foreign women looking
for someone to help them get a job in the US. It is very,
very difficult to achieve this since our government does not
like to grant work visas for jobs that can be easily filled
by US citizens.
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I hope you have enjoyed this month's issue of Nanny Net News.
Please feel free to pass this e-zine along to your friends.
However, we ask that you keep it intact and forward it in its
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